In the Interest of Sleep... - justin_guber

In the Interest of Sleep...

...I have procurred sleeping pills.

The last time I had these little red pills was in 2003, when I was not a happy bunny. Now I am a happy bunny, but a happy bunny that cannot sleep, and a happy bunny that cannot sleep will soon cease to be a happy bunny.

However, even with the sleeping pills, it was still tough. I was expecting to be conked out about a half hour after I'd taken them, but noooo. The mind still fights, imagining weird scenarios involving dancing muffins and Mandy Moore. Unfortunately, these did not materialize into dreams.

However, the little red pills, known in the professional world as Xanax, have reminded me of those unhappy bunny times (but not in an unhappy way, otherwise I would cease to be a happy bunny). There was a point in time where pills were part of my daily routine. Doses of chemicals that did their best to numb any form of emotion and in the end, I had to ween myself of them.

Why? Because I couldn't write.

Interesting how a lack of a wide range of emotions in varying degrees of mania hinders the creative process. From it, only three songs emerged, and interestingly enough, they were about the events that lead to the pills as well as the pills themselves. Apart from that, I was pretty much creatively useless.

So once the events of my life were less in turmoil, I put those little pills away and resorted instead to DVD's and fast food, a wonderful cure to help rid the body of depression, albeit one that will leave you a tubby little bitch. Of course, DVD's and fastfood were not enough. Loneliness is an unhappy bunny's worst friend.

Enter Yaya.

Now, for me to say that Yaya and I were the perfect couple would be a lie. We were intensely different in almost every aspect. But underneath that veneer of silence and occasional punk-rock-emoness was the heart of a very caring person, someone who I honestly didn't expect to love me and care for me as much as she did when we were together. She was my companion, my friend, my lover and my carer at a time when I needed one most.

Interesting fact: I started this blog at her house.

Sure, we had our bad times. What couple doesn't? Our differences often lead to fights of the silent but deadly variety. There were raised voices and tears. The silent treatment used to bug the shit out of me, and there'd be times where I'd be completely fucked as to what the hell she'd want from me and what in the world I was supposed to to make her happy.

But there were also times where she stood by my side and made sure I was ok. The times when she took care of me when I was depressed, or sick or just in need of some comfort. And those rare moments when I'd see exactly what was going on inside her and realize the times when she's upset when she things I'm not appreciating all the things she's trying to do for me would remind me of how much she was trying to make me feel better. She always did her best and I will always remember her for that.

Strangely, it was when we broke up where there were no tears, no raised voices and no silent treatment. We'd just grown apart, and I am eternally grateful for all the times we spent together.

No matter how supremely Emo her look gets.

And for the interest of not having my ass whupped by her, I shall not post her picture. Unless it's ok by her. Although I doubt she reads this.

3.2.05 04:53

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To date 4 Comment(s) TrackBack-URL

Cyn (3.2.05 08:10)
Hmm, Xanax is kinda evil stuff. Good thing you had someone to help you get thru unhappy bunny times. Wondering how to get myself outta the blues, but I can still sleep..Thank god!

(4.2.05 03:35)
Wanna get yourself out of the blues, Cyn? Simple. Imagine taking a meriam buloh filled with well endowed frogs and shove it up an annoying clients butt.
Or you could do the real thing. Lot messier, though.

Cyn (4.2.05 07:30)
Ha ha haaa.. just got an update on your Client yesterday... You poor boy..

(7.2.05 03:12)
By client, I assume you are talking about the milk maids...